Conversing with Strangers

The Art of Conversing with Strangers

I was searching for ressources on the art of conversation.
I was not in a mood to be reading. I wanted passive learning, and Alex Lyons Youtube channel was one of the first results to pop up (that means it’s good, right google?)
He claims to be a communication coach, and up to this time creating videos around that subject area (which includes leadership!).
Here is a summary of a few videos and some golden nuggets I found.

In this first video (part 1 of 4 of the art of conversation – Alas !the other parts are nowhere to be found!) Alex Lyon presents us with a little game.
The goal is simple: get the other person talking as as much as possible !
He declares we should aim for as much as 80%,
and if you’re talking, you’re losing!

The Conversation Game – How to Win

1. Ask the other person good, simple questions.
   Ask them about their interests and activities. Ask them about their life. They will probably want to reply with all their current happenings.
2. Ask follow up questions.
   Use your active listening skills! Don’t think about what you want to say, think about how you can inquire furhter about what they are saying with easy and straigth foward questions.
   Ex: “What are your future camping trips? What kind of gear do you use?…”
3. Speak concisely and turn it back to them.
   When answering a question they might have asked.
   This is not about being dismissal, this is about winning the game.
   Act natural as you ask them more questions
   Ex: “…What do you recommend?”

The conversation game can completely transform the way you engage in conversations with other people.

Alex Lyon

Connecting with people and
building relationships

Here is Alex Lyons’ golden list of subjects to get another person talking comfortably by asking questions that are straightforward and relatively easy to answer. He claims that this kind of tête-à-tête can support relationship building.

• FAMILY
  This can be a sensitive issue, so tread lightly and listen to your intuition. But for the most part, family is a topic that can spark joy in an individual and provide a good segway for more further exchanges.
  Ex: “Do you have family in the area? Do you have any siblings?”
• FUN
  This is where we can inquire about the activities they like to do and ask if they have any hobbies!
  Ex: “What do you like to do for fun? What do you like to do for relaxation? What do you for thrill?”
• FIRE
  Ask them what fires them up? What grinds their gears? What are their passions and what gets their heart pumping?
  ^{However, I have had the conversation with friends who expressed that this question can feel heavy loaded for sometimes, we arent in tune with our passions!}
• FUTURE
  Simple, ask them about their future plans!
  Ex: “What do you have coming up this weekend? What are you planning on doing this summer?”

Conversation Starters

Two golden nuggets for a dazzling conversation:

1. KEEP IT EASY
Ask short questions for quick responses. Think true or false, and 1 worded answers. This can get the ball rolling on a conversation and segway into other areas of interest.
Ex: “How many….” “When did you…”

2. OPEN- ENDED, FOLLOW UP
This can enable a dynamic conversation where the question aims for more details and allows the other person to potentially open up. Do try to avoid “why” questions, for we can become defensive when we feel a need to justify ourselves.
Ex:”What..? How..?”

Don’t be a One Upper

Avoid the desire to compete with a fellow comrade when they are sharing a riveting tale. Be a supporting figure while listening to their story.

1. Recognize the feeling of competition
   Sure, we want to dazzle people with our stories, but this is not yours. You dont have to say something amazing.
2. Snap into listening mode
   Ask questions and enter into the other persons world and venture into their perspective!
3. Take a sincere interest
   In their joy and with what they are sharing. Get excited about what they have to say.

All in all, I did appreciate the advice Alex Lyon had to bring forth in his videos on the art of conversation, even if he sounded a little preachy at times. I do not believe I will be subscribing to his channel, for on this level of the matter, I feel like I have gathered all that I wanted.
Next time I will search for suggestions pertaining to the art of conversation focussed on conducting interviews, more so for la radio! But for now, watch me come to my edge as I endeavor to converse with stangers!